The Lazy American Workforce

On October 7, 2008 John McCain said "American workers are the best in the world."  NOT.  We are lazy and unmotivated.  Okay well not all of us, but a large portion.  At my job, I spend more time trying to keep busy from the nothingness I have assigned than doing actual work that pertains to my job.  Then, when I am actually asked to do work, I find reasons as to why I shouldn't be wasting my time with such nonsense.  

I'm sorry, I just figured a college degree meant something.  Guess not.  If we all have to pay our dues doing menial tasks in order to get recognized at work, then I think that is a major problem in the current job structure.  Instead of working hard to move my way up the ladder, I get more and more frustrated at the stupid tasks I am assigned to complete.  

Here is the Catch 22 for recent college graduates.  We are eager to get jobs and enter the American workforce.  Okay, maybe not eager, but we are willing at the realization the party train has reached its destination.  However, in applying for jobs we rarely have the required experience because we just graduated from college.  Hence, I wonder how we are expected to get the experience if nobody will take a chance and give us a job.  Thus, we are forced to accept jobs that have us doing nothing, and instead of being challenged at work we complain about being bored out of our minds.  At least I do.  

The baby boomers need to be kicked to the curb.  The younger more qualified workers ought to rise faster among the ranks and make a change.  Enough of paying your dues as the dishwasher and coffee gofer.   

Career ADD

I had an epiphany today.  I finally realized what disease has been plaguing me since graduating from college in May.  I suffer from Career ADD. Though I think the name speaks for itself, let me explain.

My generation (we're called the Millennials) exists in a world of opportunity.  Unlike past generations that graduate from college, get a job and then stay at the same place for years on end.  We tend to move from job to job and completely change our career path multiple times.  

The problem for me is that I can't even pin down my first career.  I am suffering from a strong case of Career ADD.  One day I am ready to get my masters in education.  Summers off sound nice.  Then, I realize I want to be a columnist for The New York Times.  Or, I decide I want to write an Oscar winning screenplay and become a writer/producer in Hollywood.  Every third Wednesday of the month I come up with the notion that I should create the next great ad campaign for the GAP.  Oh and don't let me forget about my dream to start my own eco-friendly sports clothing line.  

It's almost as if I have too many dreams for one lifetime and I don't know where to begin, so I end up getting nowhere.  I need help.  Does anyone have a cure?

The All Encompassing Goodbye

The holiday season is a great time to visit family. However, after three hours, the little visiting session gets old and I'm ready to peace. Here is the problem - I want a quick exit, but I cannot get away before the long arduous process of goodbyes begins.

Though I have spent time catching up with the relatives (at least the ones I can stand), now I must retrace my steps for a personalized goodbye. Just another stupid societal ritual that we feel compelled to follow or else ... Or else what? We get labeled as being one of those adults with bad manners whose parents didn't teach us proper etiquette. Hey, I can live with that.

Well, I say enough is enough. Forget about all that nonsense. When it's time to go, wave a hand in the air and say one all encompassing goodbye. Then peace out and be on your merry way. If not, you will waste countless time attempting to escape from a situation that reached its expiration date hours before.

***or as my British friend Sophie would say: If you dont get your arse in gear, you will piss away your time trying to run away from something that has had AIDS for hours.

Vinny Chase, Queen of the Ninny-Whinnies

In the season finale of Entourage the boys return to their roots. Vinny always said if the Hollywood thing didn't work out he would go home to Queens. And so he does. Partying every night,  it's almost as if they didn't leave L.A. The only difference is Vince cannot secure an acting job.

At last I realized why. Vincent Chase is Queen of the Ninny-Whinnies. Of all the characters on the show, Vinny is the most pathetic. He is the epitome of a pretty boy, nothing to offer except for his charm and good looks. After the charm wears off, we are left with his utter mediocrity.

When Vince finds out that Gus Van Sant doesn't want him for his next movie, Vince flips out on E and ends their professional relationship. Umm excuse me, but if anyone should take the blame, it should be Vince. The reason he got himself into this predicament is simple. Vinny can't act, and Hollywood is finally realizing the truth about its beloved boy from Queens.

Unfortunately, the show sacrifices reality for the played out happy ending. Vince gets a call from Martin Scorcese and now the scene is set for the upcoming season. Vinny will star in a modern day version of The Great Gatsby.

What's next? Vincent Chase wins an Oscar. Hey, they have given it to the wrong man before.

Conclusion: Overall this has been a much improved season, especially after the Medellin debacle. However, the show needs to give more face time to the other Chase brother, Johnny Drama. At least Turtle is finally getting a storyline and E is finding success with other clients.

The Potato Chip Bag Without Potato Chips

Have you ever bought a bag of potato chips only to find out that upon opening the bag the chip to non-chip ratio is completely out of wack? How come every bag of potato chips comes with less and less of its signature product? My only wish is that when I buy a bag I find a full allotment of chips. Unfortunately, it seems as if the dude on the assembly line got to my chips first, leaving my bag with a meager amount of the product. So not cool.

I grabbed some takeout from Noodles tonight for dinner. While ordering the pad thai I asked if they could throw in a few extra vegetables. The lady behind the cash register responded, "that is an extra 75 cents." I responded, "no thanks." Sure, 75 cents is not that much, but seriously why does everything have to cost extra? Why can't the lady just respond with a smile and say "we'd love to get that for you?"

Noodles isn't the worst though. I have always had my biggest issues with Subway. As much as I love the place for being healthy-ish fast food, I wish they would throw on one more slice of turkey to my six inch sub. Have you ever noticed that they only give you three slices of turkey for the six inch? Must be a direct order down from corporate headquarters. Only three slices, if they want more charge an extra two dollars. If that is the case, you might as well get a footlong. Am I asking for too much? I believe a turkey sandwich should be made up of, well, turkey, not mostly bread and spicy mustard.

The Problem With Jodi Picoult Novels

Jodi Picoult is a prolific writer. She turns out a couple novels a year, or so it seems. Have you ever wondered how she writes that much? How does she keep coming up with new ideas? Well, here is the big reveal—she writes the same story over again.

Small town, good family, strong values...violence strikes or a secret is revealed...now the protagonist must figure out a way to live in this new unfamiliar reality. That pretty much covers a Jodi Picoult story. If you doubt me, just look at the synopis on the back of the book. They all sound the same.

Then her world is turned upside down with a single act of violence ... and suddenly everything Trixie has believed about her family and herself seems to be a lie.

- back cover of The Tenth Circle

Sterling is a small, ordinary New Hampshire town where nothing ever happens - until the day its complacency is shattered by a shocking act of violence.

- inside cover of Nineteen Minutes

Delia Hopkins has led a charmed life. Raised in rural New Hampshire ... But as she plans her wedding, she is plagued by flashbacks of a life she can't recall. And when a policeman arrives to disclose a truth that will upend the world as she knows it...

- Vanishing Acts

Basically, Picoult reworks the same story with slight plot variations. In such storytelling, Picoult's characters lose their realness. They merely become caricatures of what a true character should be. It's always the same person who appears in each novel. The only difference is in the name and the secret on the verge of explosion. But still, it's basically the same character.

I am currently reading The Tenth Circle, and once I finish it I have made a vow to never read another Jodi Picoult novel. The saying is true—if you have read one Picoult novel, then you have read them all.

Twilight

As an English major one would expect that I read a lot, and I guess I do, but I hadn't read a book in awhile until now.  The last book I read was Where The Heart Is, and that was over a month ago.  I decided it was time to get back in the saddle.  

The hardest part about reading a book is just getting started. Therefore, I decided I should pick a book that would be an easy read.  With an upcoming movie release, I figured Twilight, the vampire romance story, would be a good pick.  

I was right.  I read the 500 page novel in less than 24 hours. Now I am obsessed and can't wait to get my hands on the next novel in the series. Some claim that Twilight is the next Harry Potter.  As much as I enjoy the story, I would have disagree. Harry Potter stands on a pedestal all its own.

Twilight is not as sophisticated as Harry Potter.  However, the romance between Edward and Bella is irresistible.  It's like a science fiction version of Romeo and Juliet, and while tragedy may befall these starcrossed lovers, I hope they have a different fate than the one Shakespeare had in mind.  Then again, in a world of vampires, the death of the mortal heroine may be the only answer to ensure the couple's eternal happiness.  

I am not sure how the series ends up, but I will find out soon enough.  Here is what I have gathered so far:  falling in love with a vampire is complicated, but it sounds good to me.

Obama Time

Mazel Tov!  America elected an African American as president.  Perhaps we have finally moved past racial lines.  Well, actually, he is only half black, but that is besides the point.  It is time for a change.  Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord!  

Hold up, wait a sec...  Sure we have a lot to be excited about, but I think I will hold off on popping another bottle of champagne.  Let's wait to see if this new saving grace can deliver. Believe me I want to be as ecstatic as the next person, but it is hard to go crazy about some guy who really hasn't done anything.  

I'm definitely impressed by his campaign skills.  It certainly took a lot to get elected, but now he must take on the real challenges.  I feel sorry for the guy.  He has inherited one hell of a mess, and if he can't make good on his promises then he'll be just another second rate politician.  

Honestly, I am not such a fan of Obama.  He has a great story, but I have not been caught up in all the hoopla.  All I really care about is results.  Therefore, if Obama saves America like Superman continually saves Metroplis, then I might change my tune.  Until then, let's keep the celebrations on the down low.

Health Insurance People Are D-Bags

Health insurance companies only want to insure healthy people.  It's fucked up.

Recently, the insurance company kicked me off of my parents' coverage because I'm no longer a student. Apparently college graduates find jobs right out of college that offer insurance.  Umm, earth to health care providers, it doesn't work that way.  It's hard enough finding a job, let alone one that will provide health care benefits.  

Therefore, I have been forced to seek health insurance on my own.  With the financial backing from my parents, we found a plan that seems to best suit my needs.  The other day I filled out the application and I figured that's it, now I'm insured.  

Of course it could not be that easy, actually the application wasn't.  But now they have thrown a few more curve-balls my way.  I woke up this morning to a message on the answering machine, "Hi this is insurance agent Douchebag calling for Leah Zipperstein.  We have a few more questions to ask you so please call us back at 1-800-657-dbag."  

I called back and was connected to a seemingly nice lady, but then the questions started.  "I've been stalking your medical records and see that you had an MRI for your shoulder in 2006, what was the purpose of this MRI?"

I responded, "I play college tennis and I hurt my shoulder so I decided it might be smart to visit the doctor and check the situation out."

The dbag says, "Hmm, okay, well what did they suggest for treatment and how long did it take to heal?"  By the way, all of this is code for - how much does my insurance agency have to pay for your athletic injuries?

I said, "Thankfully I did not need surgery.  With rest, ice, and strengthening exercises I returned to form in a few months.

Next question from the dbag: "I see you that you are currently taking medication for acne, is that the purpose of the medication?"

I said, "Well dumbass if that is what it says, then that's probably why I'm taking the medication."

Final question, "have you visited the doctor in the past 62 days and if so, why?"

I responded, "I sprained my ankle playing soccer so I went to the doctor to get it checked out."

Dbag says, "what treatment did your doctor prescribe and will you need to see the doctor again for a checkup?"

I said, "Similar to my shoulder injury I was told that rest, ice, and physical therapy should do the trick, and no, I will not need to see the doctor again."

At last the 20 questions on Leah's medical history was over.  However, I'm still not covered. My file needs to be reviewed by some more class A douchebags and then they'll let me know. Perhaps my attempts at staying healthy with an active lifestyle will cause my downfall.  

It's possible that the health insurance agency could deny me coverage.  I play sports; therefore, there is an increased chance of injury.  

Honestly, I am not too worried.  I'm pretty sure I will get covered.  But what about the people that actually have serious medical issues?  What if they are denied coverage because they have real problems?  And these are the people that need insurance the most.  I'd say that is a pretty fucked up system.  

People have insurance because "in case shit happens" they will need help covering the costs. However, insurance agencies provide insurance with the expectation that "shit won't happen." They want zero risk with all the reward.  I wish we could just say fuck em and deal with life as it comes, but "in case shit does happen" I'd be the one screwed, not the insurance agencies.  

Moral of the story - health insurance people are douchebags.  Enough said.

The Cincinnati Bengals Are Halfway To The Bagel Shop

After Sunday's 35-6 loss to the Houston Texans, the Cincinnati Bengals are halfway to the bagel shop.  My only question:  would they like cream cheese or tuna salad with that sesame seed bagel?

I was simply making small talk with someone when I asked how the Bengals did.  He responded, "Is that a rhetorical question?  Of course they lost."  And so it goes...

No NFL team has ever gone 0-16 for the season, but teams have come close.  The 1990 Patriots, 2000 Chargers, 2001 Panthers, and 2007 Dolphins all went 1-15.  The Tampa Bay Buccaneers went 0-14, but that was before the current 16 game season.

Could this be a historic year for the Bengals, or perhaps better suited, the Bungles?  Anything is possible and with each passing week it is looking more and more likely.

Although it is not yet official, Carson Palmer is probably out for the rest of the season with an elbow injury.  In his place, fourth year NFL quarterback, Ryan Fitzpatrick attempts to lead the lackluster Cincinnati offense.

Fitzpatrick graduated from Harvard.  Okay, so the guy is smart, but what about his football skills?  In his five games starting as the Cincinnati QB he has thrown two touchdowns and five interceptions.  Not the hottest stats on the market.

Forget about our QB woes, because perhaps the worst part about Cincinnati's dismal play is not that we stand at the midpoint of the season without a single victory.  That's not it.  Rather, we have had no sideshow entertainment from Mr. Ocho Cinco.

He has only scored two touchdowns this season, and I'm pretty sure neither of them have made it onto Sportscenter's Top Ten.  That is the real travesty.  Honestly I feel bad for the guy.  Sure he likes to showboat, but that is part of the reason why I love him.  He is in the business of entertaining, not the business of being bageled.

I kind of hope we continue on our path of self-destruction.  At this point, the most we could win is a couple of games.  They might provide slight moral victories, but other than that, they won't bring much relief.

I'm not saying we should tank the rest of the season.  I don't believe in giving up.  I just think we should embrace the bagel for what it is--a delectable Jewish staple that comes in a variety of flavors and can be eaten with a number of choice toppings.

Therefore, I want to say mazel tov on making it halfway to history.  We only need eight more losses until we arrive at the promised land.

The Texting Game

At first I was apprehensive about the texting feature on cell phones. I figured why text when you can call? However, once I began texting, I realized the real question is why call when you can text?

Texting is great. It allows just enough intimate communication without actual conversation. When texting we can write in shorthand with phrases such as lol (laugh out loud), idk (i don't know), ruok (are you okay), and the list goes on. Texting is like a little game. Similar to the fancy footwork required in tennis, texting requires fancy wordplay. The winner of the game is the person who can pack the most punch in the smallest amount of space.

Because I was late in entering the texting game I am catching up with all my friends and their dexterous experience. I tend to write things out in full instead of employing the flashier texting lingo. No worries though -- practice makes perfect.

I forgot to mention the other aspect of the texting game. Once a player receives a text, it becomes the responsibility of that player to respond immediately. The faster one responds the better.

If I send a text and I don't receive a quick response back then I begin to worry. Actually it goes beyond worry. I begin to overanalyze my relationship with said person. Is he/she mad at me? Why is this person ignoring my text? Was the text I sent in some way offensive or inappropriate? However, thirty or so minutes later, once I've received a response, I breath a big sigh of relief and wonder why my brain was being pulled in ten different directions for no reason. Such is the life of a texter. You must deal with the good times and the bad.

Now that I have become a perpetual texter I feel less and less comfortable talking to people on the phone. Is that weird? I don't think so. Phone conversations can be awkward. We are never entirely sure how the other person is interpreting our pauses or voice inflections. It is hard to gauge the status of a relationship through the awkwardness of a phone conversation. Thus, we have moved to an even more impersonal medium--the text. But you know what, sometimes people write what they cannot say.

TTYL!   XOXO

The Truth About Food

People like to think that they know good food. But let me tell you, they don't. The truth of the matter is that most people have awful taste.

I come from a humble background. I did not grow up in a mansion, nor did I get the pony I asked for on my 16th birthday. At the same time, pretty much everything I have ever wanted/needed I have received. But I am definitely not spoiled. Not like some kids. The one area in which I may consider myself spoiled though, would be in the area of food. I'm sorry but I know quality.

My mom cooks five nights a week, and my dad is trained as a chef. Thus, I have been around good food my entire life. Our vacations are focused more around the hottest restaurants than they are around the coolest places to visit.

Unfortunately, most people have no idea what it means to eat a quality meal. For example, I was visiting a friend recently and she wanted to take me to the local fast food joint. She kept saying it is amazing, better than any other place I've been. I'm sorry but that statement doesn't even make sense. The words fast food scream "tastes like shit!" Therefore, anyone who believes there is quality in fast food cannot be trusted.

Drug Testing

In the past six months I have been required to take two drug tests.  The first one was for tennis.  I happened to be one of the lucky ones, you know, in the random selection.  At 6:30 in the morning I headed to the athletic building where I was assigned a number and a cup.  Failing the drug test would have NO consequences because the purpose of "said" test was merely to get data on the pervasiveness of recreational drugs in DIII athletes.  I'm glad I was inconvenienced for the sake of a study.  While failing the test would mean nothing, the powers that be still decided to treat us like convicted felons.  Before entering the bathroom stall I had to lift up my shirt--in case I was carrying a clean pack of pee around my stomach.  Even after revealing that the only thing under my shirt is my stomach, this lady followed me into the stall and watched me as I peed into the cup.  Okay, she wasn't a pervert, but it was awkward (to say the least).  After finishing my business I was required to hold onto my pee cup and watch as this lady tested the pH.  If I recall correctly, I believe my pee had a pH of 6.5.  Finally, I was allowed to relinquish custody of my pee and send it off to the lab.

Today, I was required to endure my second drug test.  This test was work related, as in, I won't get hired unless I pass the drug test.  I am not worried about passing the test.  I am just annoyed that it has become commonplace for a drug test to be a prerequisite for employment.  Even though the consequences of this drug test are much higher than the tennis one, the lady at LabCorp didn't seem to notice.  I was asked to wash my hands but nobody supervised me doing so, nor was I asked to lift up my shirt.  And when I took my favorite cup to the bathroom to do my business nobody followed me.  I closed the door and hit that magical red line in private.  The lady at LabCorp could care less about the accuracy of the test.  She could care less about whether people try to cheat the test.  Who can blame her?  She oversees drug tests for a living.  That sucks.  And what about the lab geek who will have the pleasure of testing my pee in a couple of days?  Can't say I'm jealous.  

Moral of the story:  drug testing sucks and try to avoid it at all costs, unless you have to do it (like I did)

The dreaded cover letter

To Whom It May Concern: (probably nobody)

In May I graduated from Colorado College with a degree in English.  As an English major it is safe to say that I have had some experience writing.  However, writing analytical essays on themes regarding the self-made man are often highly unintelligible and go on with no end in sight.  I much prefer to write shorter pieces on a more focused subject.

For example, I love writing cover letters, a skill that any college graduate seems to relish.  I love putting myself out there as a writer and waiting by the computer for it to say, "you've go mail."  Unfortunately, most messages in my inbox these days inform me of new facebook wallposts or tagged pictures of my mug shut.

In college I was a contributing writer to The Catalyst, the school newspaper.  The Catalyst is an awful newspaper.  The only articles I ever read were my own, and that is not because I am a narcissist.   Last semester I wrote a controversial article about violating the privacy of students because of random drug testing for DIII athletes.  It was worthy of a Pulitzer.  They never ran it.

In the fall of my junior year I spent a semester in Washington DC studying journalism at American University.  Over the course of the semester I wrote a number of different pieces, including a news feature on iPods along with a profile of the Washington Post food critic.  I thoroughly enjoyed writing my piece on the food critic.  He bought me lunch.

In the summer before my senior year I spent time in San Diego tracking sea otters.  I joined a marine biologist and her team of scientists.  We studied their mating habits.  It was an invaluable experience.  My time spent by the water helped me increase my immunity to sea sickness, a skill that can be used for any job.  

While I love writing English essays, political articles, and cover letters, my favorite pieces would have to be the ones in which I "help" my younger brother write.  I get a lot of pleasure writing assignments for tenth graders.  I guess it is similar to the feeling the bully gets beating up on the weakling of the bunch.  Everything I can't do in a college essay -- pull an argument straight out of the air and then use a portable hard drive to capture it and save it onto MS Word, I am encouraged to do in high school papers.  They are so much more fun.  In fact, I will attach a copy of my favorite piece that I ever "helped" my brother write; it was a creative piece for his music history class.

Thank you for your time and consideration.  I would love to get an email from you, but if not, I guess I will survive on another facebook message.  Such is my life.

Sincerely,

Leah Zipperstein

Enclosure:  Resume, Writing Sample, List of References

Shut Up Meredith Grey

Season 5 of Grey's Anatomy premiered last night.  Overall I think there is potential for a good season, but still much of the episode made me think "ehh."  After last season's shit train of episodes however, the show can only go up.

The Bad:

1. Meredith shut up already.  I wish the icicle would have punctured Meredith's vocal chords instead of Cristina's stomach.  I know Meredith is all dark and twisty.  We get it.  Be with Derek, stop questioning everything, and shut the fuck up!

2. Stop making Karev such a douchebag.  It is the same old story.  He opens up to Izzie; she likes that about him, and then he flips out and reverts to his douchebag self.  Enough already, let Alex and Izzie be together.

3.  The Chief -- so annoying last night.  Sure I understand the rankings are important but stop acting so ridiculous.  

4. Callie, WTF -- no need to go crazy during the experimental surgery  I know the point of that was so Hahn could come to the rescue.  But please, a little more composure.  

The Good:

1. Lexie!  Absolutely love her.  She is my favorite character.  She delivers lines the way the other characters did in the first two seasons.  She is refreshing, funny, and a character that I root for 100%.  How funny was she reading the love letter to betrayed wife Sarabeth.  Haha:)

2. Army doc who performs a tracheostomy with a pen.  Fucking awesome.  What a BAMF!  I'm also loving the chemistry between him and Cristina.  I hope he returns to Seattle Grace soon.  

3. Cristina, still gotta love her.  Her interns are so stupid and she lets them know it all the time.  She's hilarious.  But seriously, next time you see an icicle coming at you, trying moving out of the way.  Just a thought.

Grey's still work to do if it wants to regain my confidence as a viewer.  The show lost its mojo last season, and I think it's trying too hard.  The writing seems forced.  I hope Grey's gets in the groove pretty soon though and stops going all ER (extremely ridiculous) on us.  

Thank you government!

The bailout, the bailout, the bailout!  That is all we hear.  Well, I am sick of hearing about it.  I am sick of the government wasting our money.  I am sick of cleaning up the mistakes of people who should know better.  Why don't the CEO's of these financial firms put up the money to save Wallstreet.  They earn million dollar salaries.  They have MBA's from the top business schools in the country so they should know better.  They should know that nothing is free in this world. They should know that they really fucked us (the American citizens) over.  And as if the ineptitude of Wallstreet were not enough, now the government has stepped in to save the day.  I think the figure is around 700 zazillion dollars.  Something like that.  Some absurd amount of money that we do not have, but will appear out of thin air.  Oh wait, no--it will appear out of my pockets.  Actually I have no money, so it will come from my parents, you, and a whole bunch of other people that can't really afford it.  So again I say thank you government!  Keep up the good work.  I'm really impressed -- NOT.  

The Awkward Hello

I'm sure you have been in this situation. I find myself in it all the time. Let's say you are walking around and up ahead you see someone you know. This someone however falls in between being a mere acquaintance and a friend. If it were a friend you might run ahead and give them a surprise attack. If it is an acquaintance you might veer off course to avoid a possible stop and chat, and hey it isn't rude because they are just an acquaintance. But what about the in-betweener. You see her approaching and you start thinking at about 50ft away "when am I going to acknowledge her existence?" Should it simply be a head nod, a hello, or the whole kit and caboodle-- with a "how are you doing?" Now she is 40 ft away and you don't want to jump the gun, saying hello too early, but you also don't want the awkward stare down as you get closer and closer but neither of you acknowledge the other. Therefore to end the awkward hello, I propose this wonderful solution.

After you recognize the person from far away try not to make any long distance eye contact. Keep your eyes down and pretend like you have something else on your mind. Then as you are about 17ft away lift up your head and make eye contact with the in-betweener. At 10ft or closer you make your move with the hello. And now you can continue on your way, satisfied that you weren't a rude jackass, and simmering with excitement over your newfound method at avoiding the awkward hello.

You are welcome:)

The Problem With Science

People can easily manipulate you with numbers but it takes real power to manipulate someone with words.

Here is my disclaimer: not all science is bad, sure I'm thankful for seedless watermelons, digital cameras, and comfortable footwear, but for the most part, science just doesn't interest me.

We can go to the moon -- but we can't cure the common cold. Hmmm?

We can watch movies on our cell phones -- but we can't solve the energy crisis.

We can fly from LA to NY -- but we can't have our seats back during takeoff or landing. What is wrong with that picture?

Sure there are many other thorns in the side of man, but I'll save the rest of that list for another time. Yeah science has done some wonderful things, but hey, it isn't that great. I used to hate labs in high school. The teacher would explain the experiment and tell you the type of results you should expect. For some reason my experiments never turned out the results that were expected, so you know what I did? I fudged the numbers. I made it work. And don't tell me you didn't do the same thing. Those experiments were set up to fail. Honestly, we would have saved a lot of time if we had skipped the whole Erlenmeyer flask bit and were just told the results.

One more thing, have you ever looked through a microscope? Mitochondria my ass. The only thing I ever saw squinting through that damn microscope was blobbish material, and yet biology books have diagrammed every part of the cell. I bet a group of scientists got hammered and just made up all that stuff because I'm telling you there is nothing to see.

I hate science just like the next guy -- a lot. Don't get me wrong I hope that people who enjoy science continue doing experiments where they manipulate the stats to prove their hypothesis. I think that is awesome. But if it is all the same to you, I'll stay out of the laboratory.