The Flavored Water Hoax

Vitamin Water, Propel, and now Special K Protein Water. While I commend the marketing teams for trying to convince us that such drinks are water, I'm here to tell you otherwise.

Just look at the picture of the Special K Protein Water. The so-called "water" comes in either lemon, strawberry, or tropical flavors. Hmmm that's interesting because I thought water was flavorless. Plus, the supposed "water" comes in different colors. Well that seems a bit odd considering water is colorless. Lastly, the nutrition facts of the K water record 8g of sugar. Well that can't be right, because as far as I know, water has no calories.

The jig is up Special K Protein Water - your true stripes are revealed. The drink isn't water, but rather some fancy protein juice. You can't fool me.

To all the people out there drinking the fake water products -- stop lying to yourselves. Propel isn't water. Sure it looks like you are being healthy and active, but you are not. Instead, you are feeding a juicy water addiction. It's okay if you like the stuff, really it is. But if you are going to drink the product then please own up to its content.

"You like-a da juice... the juice is good, eh?"

Either drink water or drink juice, but you can't have it both ways.

If Print News Dies, Then What Will We Read In The Bathroom?

Everyone keeps saying it, the newspaper industry is dying.  There is even a blog titled, "New York Times Death Watch." Take heed -- the end is near. However, if the day finally comes when there is no longer a newspaper to pick up at the end of the driveway, how will we cope? 

Don't get me wrong I like perusing the world wide web for news as much as the next person but there is something special about physically touching a paper.  The online world cannot replicate turning the pages of a newspaper, getting ink stains on your hands, or taking the paper into the bathroom for some heavy duty reading. 

I mean seriously, what will we do? Bring Kindle (the wireless reading device) into the bathroom - just won't have the same effect. There is something truly sacred about the newspaper/bathroom combo, and while progress is always good, the death of print news is anything but positive.

Missing The Childhood Juice Box

The other day I saw a commercial advertising juice boxes, and it reminded me how much I miss my youth. Lunchtime in grade school was the best. Hostess cakes, ding dongs, fruit snacks, PB & J sandwiches, and of course -- the juice box. 

As kids we would dump the food onto the cafeteria table, sizing it up against the goodies of our friends. 

"I'll trade you my oreos for your snack pack."

"No way! Snack pack pudding is the greatest!"

At last, the final piece of the puzzle concluded with the straw puncturing through the opening of the Motts juice box or the Tropical Punch flavored Capri Sun.  Now we eat our lunch with a bottle of water or popping open a can of soda -- just not the same. Something about a straw and squeezing the life out of juice box cannot be replicated with any other drink. 

Oh those were the days...

Chris Brown Beating Rihanna More Shocking Than A-Rod Juicing

Saturday, SI reporter Selena Roberts revealed news that A-Rod had tested positive for steroids in 2003.  Sunday, Chris Brown was sought on charges of domestic abuse for beating his girlfriend Rihanna.  The latter is definitely the more surprising news of the weekend.

A-Rod is a juicer, but is that really the worst thing he has ever done? Probably not. He has a laundry list of other offenses—divorcee, home-wrecker, liar, and choker.  The last one on the list is the most offensive.  A-Rod fails to perform in clutch situations, and thus the Yankees have been out of the World Series the past five years.

If only he had stayed in Texas drinking the juice, the Yankees might have reached number 27 or even 28 for all-time championship titles. That's why I hate A-Rod, not because he's a cheater.

"Cheating is for losers unless it helps you win and then it's for winners," says Jerri Blank (played by Amy Sedaris) in the ridiculous comedy central show Strangers With Candy.

Well I guess cheating really is for losers because A-Rod cheated and it hasn't helped him win. Sure he won a big contract with more money anyone could use in a lifetime, but most people can't stand the guy. The approval he is looking for from the fans is constantly lacking.

I almost laughed when he continually apologized to his fans in the Peter Gammons interview.  What fans? Nobody likes you.

As much as I dislike A-Rod for disgracing the Yankee uniform with his pitiful postseason play, I don't blame him for using steroids, nor do I even care.  The 2003 drug test was supposed to be confidential. Plus, it was merely a survey test to find out the pervasiveness of drug use in major league baseball.

A-Rod should not be penalized for testing positive on a test that had no right to see the light of day. The person who deserves all the blame in the steroids situation is none other than baseball commissioner Bud Selig. What a waste of space.

Stop acting surprised about steroid use. Baseball players are a bunch of insecure prima donnas in need of magic juice to help them perform. Well earth to Bud Selig—if you want to clean up the steroids mess, stop bringing up the past and players who cheated.  Instead, let's worry about keeping baseball clean in the present and future.

A-Rod said he has been tested about eight to 10 times since 2003 for steroid use. That's it? I was drug tested two times in the past six months. One time for college tennis and the other for a job. If you want to keep people from juicing, test them once a week.

During my random drug test experience someone checked underneath my shirt to see if I was packing a clean pee sample. The lady also watched as I peed into the cup. It was not pleasant, but certainly no way I was going to cheat the system.

If baseball doesn't hold the same standards for its players, i.e. constant testing and strict supervision during testing than what else can we expect but a league full of cheaters.

My opinion of A-Rod hasn't changed since Saturday. He's still the guy to put on the flattering blue sweater and try to make amends. He's still the guy with a ton of natural talent but lacks a genuine personality. He's still himself. He's A-Fraud.

Earth to abc.com: Fix the streaming video player!

Abc.com used to be the haven for episodes online.  I could catch up on Grey's, Desperate Housewives, or Lost no problem.  Not the case anymore.  The other day I was trying to watch an episode of Lost.  Well, that show requires 100% attention or as a viewer you are sure to be Lost. While trying to focus I kept getting distracted by the ineptitudes of the video player. The video would stop and start because of the long buffering process. Plus, the new system makes it difficult to press pause during an episode or change segments. In the end, I gave up watching and now I'm truly lost on Lost. If ABC doesn't get with the program they are sure to lose a faithful viewer.  I'll be forced to find my episodes on illegal websites.  At least the illegal ones know how to put out a quality product... well some of the time.

Say Buh-Bye To The Old Man Rocker

Did you catch the Super Bowl half-time show? I did, and it was far from a pretty sight. Over the hill white males should not be allowed to rock out in black leather on high def. television. Time to bring sexy back. Who cares if there are a a few wardrobe malfunctions?  Just please save my innocent eyes from more haggard old men.

My Nose Is Brown

I'm sick and tired of brown nosing, sucking up, kissing ass, and whatever other name you can think to call the act of feigning enthusiasm. In high school I was the Queen of the Brown Nosers. I acted with such authenticity that my teachers actually believed I loved school. Now, as a young adult in the real world, my ass kissing has subsided. Of course it couldn't have come at a worse time. Apparently I wasted all my kisses on the wrong people. Then again, perhaps the real problem isn't me; but rather, the compelling need we feel to suck up in order to get ahead. Not saying we should have a world full of Debbie Downers, but all this overblown passion gets a bit nauseating. Some things are stupid and pointless. Deal with it. Sure I might think differently when people start kissing my ass, but until then, I'm done with the brown nosing business.