What kind of cheese do you want on that sandwich?

Don't give into the peer pressure! Generally, peer pressure refers to drinking and doing drugs.

What about the peer pressure to add cheese to your sandwich? Perhaps, it is an overlooked pressure because so many people do it naturally or are forced to give in, but believe me the pressure exists.

I grew up in a household of turkey and tuna sandwiches. Not turkey and swiss or tuna melts. Just turkey and tuna -- plain and simple. Now that I've mingled amongst a more varied crowd, I've found that I'm generally alone in the no-cheese sandwich.

After numerous trips to Subway in which I decline the cheese option and get a "you cannot be serious" look from my sandwich maker, I decided to give in. I wondered what is all the cheese hoopla about? 

Sometimes adding a slice of swiss to a turkey sandwich proves to be the right move. Nevertheless, there are times when the thought of cheese on my sandwich is too much to handle and I must forego the option. On those occassions I continue to get the evil eye.

The other day I ordered a hamburger. The waitress asked if I wanted cheese. Well, if I'd wanted cheese then I probably would have asked for a cheeseburger. Of course when my hamburger arrived at the table it was all amuk with cheese. Perhaps the cook didn't believe someone would order a hamburger without cheese.

Try a google image search of "sandwich" or "hamburger." It's nearly impossible to find a picture without cheese. Do yourself a favor -- try a sandwich sans cheese; I promise it is just as good if not better.

Super Duper Chunky Monkey Bowl Dip

The Super Bowl is days away.  Woo hoo!  There is much more to the bowl of super than mere football.  The commercials, half-time show, and specialty foods are what it is really all about.  

Here is a great recipe:

Super Duper Chunky Monkey Bowl Dip

4 cups of velveeta cheese dip

15 green olives

Dash of rosemary

Teaspoon of sugar

1/2 cup of minced meat

3 slices of pineapple

1 stick of butter

Spoonful of peanut butter

2 cloves of garlic

Handful of orange peels

Mix ingredients together in a large bowl.  Keep refrigerated.  Enjoy!

Dealing With Morons

Morons are everywhere ... on the road, at the mall, in school.  We deal with them all the time, and we cannot escape them.  

Here are some moronic examples:

1. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business.  Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country," said President Bush Sept. 6, 2004.

2. Auditioning for shows like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance knowing full well that you'll be humiliated on national television.

3. Allowing a professional football game to end in a tie.  Example: November 16, 2008 the Cincinnati/Philadelphia game ended in a 13-13 OT tie.  Better yet, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb remained on the field unaware the game was over.   

As I said, people are morons.  Time for school to be cool so we can stop these jackholes from running the show.

President Bush said it best, "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." - Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001.

Can't Survive Without That Morning Cup Of Joe

What is with the coffee love affair?

"Can't survive without my daily intake of caffeine!"

"I need some coffee so I can stay up and study."

"I have a headache because I didn't have my coffee this morning."

People say these things all the time because they are addicted to coffee. I have never had a full cup of coffee in my life, and I never plan to. If I'm too tired to be awake, then perhaps I should go to sleep.

Time to stop America's obsession with coffee, and here is why:

1. Coffee is expensive, those daily trips to Starbucks add up

2. Coffee may smell good but it isn't all that tasty. If it requires a large helping of cream and sugar then perhaps it isn't worth it

3. Coffee can take over your life. Not being able to function without your morning cup of joe. That's sad:(

Start saying no to coffee and yes to sleep. So what if you are a little less productive in the morning, at least you won't be addicted to coffee.

Subject Line (none)

In a high tech world where emails and texts overshadow letters and postcards, the ability to write clever concise phrases becomes more and more important. Sometimes however, more important than the content of an email, is the subject line itself.

The title of the email is the first thing a viewer will read and thus must catch the attention of the intended recipient without revealing too much information. In the picture above the subject line says "Happy New Year!" Then, the content of the email merely adds "Happy New Year, Duke!" In this case, the subject line is well used but the content of the email is flawed. The emailer should write more than one line or else such information is better meant for a text.

Of course, the typical "hello" subject line is perfectly acceptable, but also a bit overused. Certainly, when the emailer is simply catching up with an old friend the "hello" or "wassup" seems fine, but the more creative the better. Probably the most difficult subject line creations occur when the emailer is not that familiar with the emailee and in need of a favor. For example, asking someone for a letter of recommendation. It's already hard enough to track down those people, so you don't want to turn them away sounding too pushy in the subject line of your email.

Sorry, I don't have any full proof methods to escape the subject line dilemma. My best suggestion is to be creative, and if all else fails just reply to old emails.

Golden Globes Remix

The Golden Globes, like any award show, drag on to an interminable end. While there are a few noteworthy moments, it is not enough to keep the show on its current path of boredom. Time for a Golden Globes Remix.

To Keep:

1. Red carpet interviews - a good two hours designated for either being in awe of the celebrities and their beauty or making fun of them for poor wardrobe choices.

2. British comedian presenters - Ricky Gervais delivered some funny lines while presenting the best supporting actress award. "I told ya! Do a Holocaust movie," he said to Kate Winslet who won. Sacha Baron Cohen poking fun at the economic times with a jab at a popular celebrity: "Madonna had to get rid of one of her personal assistants -- Guy Ritchie." While the celebrities didn't respond with a laugh, the viewers at home were surely rolling in a fit of laughter on the couch.

3. Tina Fey, in any capacity - As Tina Fey accepted her award for best actress in a comedy series she told her online haters to "suck it!" In turn, the audience loved it. Then, when 30 Rock won for best comedy series, Tina Fey handed the Golden Globe over to co-star Tracy Morgan. Apparently the two agreed that"If Barack Obama won the election, I would speak for the show ... I'm the face of post-racial America. Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!" We are dealing just fine.

To dispose of:

1. The overly shocked incoherent winner - Sorry Kate Winslet, you are a great actress, but please work on your awards speech. Sure you've never won before, but that is no excuse to ramble on. You are an actress, so act like one. Give that speech with grace and elegance as if it were being filmed in a movie.

2. Best miniseries award - HBO has a lock on this award. Nobody watches these movies, or at least I don't. So let's stop awarding them a prize for being a quality production.

3. Poor writing for the presenters - Nothing is more aggravating than watching the presenters read the most kitchy dialogue as they are expected to banter with each other on stage. Whoever writes that cheeseball crap needs to up their game because the current lines aren't cutting it.

To introduce:

1. The giant cane from vaudeville - As the award winners blabber on with their thanks and praise, the music is not enough to get them to stop. Instead, we need a giant cane, like in the old vaudeville shows, to pull them off stage.

2. Substitute speech givers - If the award winning celebrity is in too much shock to give a coherent speech, then she should nominate someone else, hopefully a talented public speaker, to give the speech on her behalf. It could be another celebrity, a child, a man off the street. I really don't care as long as the person delivers a solid speech.

3. A savvy zipline system - Who wants to watch the celebrity slowly walk up to the stage in a crowd of hugs and kisses? Not I. Therefore, the show should set up an elaborate zipline system so that when a celebrity wins, he is quickly ziplined to the stage and the speech giving begins. No time to dilly dally.

Well that pretty much covers it. The Golden Globes aren't all bad, they are just in need of a few changes.

Fight the Man

At real hippy dippy schools the phrase "fight the man" is frequently heard. Fighting the man should not simply be reserved for the liberals and out of the box thinkers.  We all need to fight the man or else the man will get us down.  Who is this "man" that we so fervently speak of?  Well, the man is any group or person that works to oppress others.  Usually the man is an ingrained part of the societal structure.  For example, the government or the school board. Though such institutions seem innocent, they are often highly flawed and corrupt.  They tend to subvert what they claim to protect in their vows of goodness.

Well, here is my attempt at a poem/song/whatever to explain my current feelings on the world and my place within it.

FIGHT THE MAN

People complain about

The shit they gotta do

It's the same ole story

Oh let me tell you

People got their problems

Problems all they got

So here are some of mine

Listen up -- why not

Graduate from college

Here's the catch 22

You ain't got no experience

So nobody gonna hire you

But to get that first job

You need what you ain't go

So good luck a lookin'

At career builder a lot

Stand up - Wake up - Get up - FIGHT!

Fight the man

Cause the man is never right

Flickers make a fire

Embers make it blue,

Build it a little higher

Gonna be all over you

The world is my oyster

Some people say that with zeal

The world is your oyster

Oh yeah, get real

Study hard in school

Makes you kinda smart

Don't forget to brown nose

Or you'll be working at K-mart

Stand up - Wake up - Get up - FIGHT!

Fight the man

Cause the man is never right

Economy has tanked

World down the shitter

But have no fear

Obama's a hard hitter

He promises to deliver

And so deliver he shall do

Cause his duty is to his country

Oh yeah dats me and you

Before you get too excited

Let us not forget

Obama's still a politician

And politicians are rarely legit

Stand up - Wake up - Get up - FIGHT!

Fight the man

Cause the man is never right

This song just about over

Soon you'll be off the hook

But don't forget the lessons learned

Cause you won't find em in a book

Stand up - Wake up - Get up - FIGHT!

Fight the man

Cause the man is never right

Pants Need Pockets

Recently, I found a great pair of athletic pants. They were black with hot orange adidas stripes. Pretty freakin' cool. Just one problem, the pants did not have pockets.

I hate to recall the number of times I found a great pair of pants only to realize they don't have pockets. No pockets, no go.

Here are some reasons pants need pockets:

1. it's a more natural look
2. keeps your hands warm in the cold
3. great place to put chapstick, money, car keys, etc.
4. need I say more

People are always carrying around something and after awhile carrying that crap gets old. Henceforth, we need pockets. Pockets don't ruin pants; rather, they make them stylish and practical.

Perhaps worse, or at least definitely on the same level, would be athletic shorts without pockets. Seriously, what are these designers thinking? As a tennis player, shorts require pockets. Forget about the awkward sliding of the ball underneath the spandex. Not cool. Athletic shorts need pockets because you never know when you'll happen upon a tennis court and feel the need to serve up a few games.

This really isn't a complicated argument. Pants need pockets, it is just common sense. So earth to the clothes designers -- it's okay to get all fancy shmancy with your designs but remember clothes also need to be functional. No need to carry chapstick in your hand like a goofball when you could just keep it in your pocket and use as needed.

The Joys of Hanging With An Older Crowd

Recently, I have been hanging out with some older ladies. I've joined the 5.0 ladies interclub tennis team. While we may have a difference of opinion in our views on music, bed times, and quality TV shows, the one thing we can agree on is an appreciation of youth. My youth in fact. In the company of an older crowd, the young one of the group is often on the receiving end of a myriad of compliments. The compliments are rarely because the person is anything special, just because she is young, firm, and can still move without extreme knee or back pain.

"Oh to be young again."

"I just can't move like I used to."

"You have your whole life ahead of you, just wait until you get to be my age."

Hanging out with older ladies makes one realize how great it feels to be young. They seem to appreciate everything about you or at least your youthfulness, and in return it makes you feel better about yourself. See the old are good for something.

Happy New Year, Yada-Yada-Yada

New Year's Eve is just an excuse for a big party.  Alright, fine, I can dig it.  But let's not delude ourselves into believing it is truly the New Year.  The New Year begins in the fall when a kid makes that first step off the bus onto school property.  

Even when graduating from high school or college, the academic calendar is still the guiding force for the year.  People vacation during winter, spring, and summer breaks.  Somewhere in the family a kid is in school, and thus the academic schedule must be followed in determining vacations.  

Plus, who wants to ring in the New Year during the dead of winter.  Sure the days are getting longer, thank goodness, but not much feels new about January only the blistering cold.  

LZ

1-2-08, oops I meant 09